Hello December 12/02/2009

I know haven't updated this for awhile so I have a treat for those of you who have been patient. First is that there's a fresh new site design. We're getting ready for the new year so expect new brain vomits and the much anticipated "Top Muppet moments" list.

What? That isn't enough for you? Fine. Here's a picture I drew of a robot breakdancing. You're welcome.

pictured above: time mismanagement

The "does anybody even keep track of this?" Brain Vomit 3/25/2009

"I invented the snooze button. No wait, that's a half-lie. I USE the snooze button. Often."


Pictured above: Technology.

The (formerly) weekly brain vomit 3/11/2009

"I used to put bags of chips in the microwave to watch the cool looking sparks fly around in there. My dad didn't think it was funny. He ate all the chips in the house that day."













Above: Wrong chips.

The formerly weekly brain vomit 1/11/2009

"My uncle Joe used to wear nutrition facts on his back whenever he went hiking in the mountains.  His reasoning was that any health-conscious mountain lions that tried to eat him would read the deplorable amount of calories in him and move on to a healthier meal.  Uncle Joe was eaten by a grizzly bear last summer.  Those idiots will eat anything."

pictured above:  asshole

The Return of the Weekly Brain Vomit 11/12/2008

"When you leave for work, dogs think that you're never coming back.  That's why they often change the locks while you're away."

Weekly Brain Vomit 9/24/2008

Teacher asked the class what we wanted to be when we grew up.  Jimmy said, "I want to be a dinosaur!"  The teacher scolded Jimmy and said that he couldn't grow up to be a dinosaur.  I ran away from school forever, just in case.

Weekly Brain Vomit 9/15/2008

"The best offense is a good defense.  The best defense is a swarm of angry bees that think you are their queen."

Weekly Brain Vomit 9/02/2008

"After the autopsy the doctors found a 65 Watt light bulb in Mr. Johnson's head. It was a prank that one of the surgeons pulled, but Mr. Johnson really did have some good ideas. He probably would've laughed if he wasn't dead."

Weekly Brain Vomit 8/19/2008

"I think a cool job to have is pollen counter. I'd sit outside every morning counting pollen and my friends would walk past and wish me good luck. Then I'd get mad because I lost count. Then I'd quit and become an astronaut. I'm allergic to pollen anyway."

Weekly Brain Vomit 8/11/2008

"When I was younger, two guys asked me to climb in their van and help find their dog. We never found that dog."

The semi daily brain vomit 8/05/2008

Sometimes I look at that yellow ball of gas in the sky and ask myself, "I wonder if my long lost sister is looking at the same sun." I had more questions, but my eyes were starting to tear up because of the poetry of the moment—but mostly because of the burning sensation behind my retinas.